26: Gasping for breath

Air is everywhere and everywhere is air. Fire and Water consists of air. You cannot escape from air except you desire nothingness, except you desire to cease to exist. Air has several components – oxygen, carbon monoxide and other gases in the atmosphere.

It is everywhere yet is not easily perceived because it cannot really be touched, held down or described to the blind. Yet the power of the air is almost God-like. From it, we glean the idea of the ‘breath of life’. Once taken away, all life ends.

The interesting thing is that you cannot take your own life by stopping yourself from breathing. The tension that would be created would force you to take a breath and thus suicide is prevented. No wonder those who commit suicide depend on other instruments to deny them of air…for their own bodies would not co-operate with such an alien concept as suicide.

I see the characteristics of air in the concept of relationships. Relationships fuel the locomotion of existence and support all life. Whether we admit it or not, we were designed for relationships. It is against the very constitution of our being to seek permanent exclusion from relationships with others. Some of the first signs of psychopathology is the excessive desire to stand aloof from all relationships.

Every good relationship is built on acknowledging our need to relate. When you believe that it is natural to desire to relate with others, something unique happens. You enter the circle of a privileged few. Why a privileged few? Simple, many people believe they are doing others a favor when they relate with them.




This thought drives them to play hard to get, to be rude, to leave things unsaid that should be said, to say things that ought to remain thoughts. They trivialize something that is so precious yet so widely misunderstood: the need for relationships.

Do you find yourself hissing when you see the Caller ID on your phone showing the name of someone you think you don’t need? Do you have a pile of mails, e-mails and text messages you haven’t replied to? I do admit some people are just a drain on your time and energy but that isn’t the point. This discussion is about you and not them.

Those two questions may just represent the ‘tongue test’ for your understanding of relationships. They capture how committed you are to keeping a conversation going. When you refuse to reply or initiate a question, you stall the building of relationships. You are practically sucking the air out of a living organism for every discussion is a living organism.

I once read the story of someone that changed his mind from committing suicide because a ‘celebrity’ replied a mail he had written to her. On a lighter note I remember a song by Eminem (the very definition of weird) called ‘Stan’ in which a fan of his called Stan kept writing him mails which he just never got around to reading.

Within the letters, Stan told Eminem about the ways he tried to be as weird as Eminem: mistreating his girlfriend, swearing at his mother etc. When finally Eminem replied, he tried counseling Stan on the folly of following his songs hook, line and sinker but alas it was too late, Stan had killed his girlfriend and had also killed himself ( I think that’s what happened, I can’t remember it all J ).

If only Eminem had replied earlier maybe two lives would have been saved. Though fictional, the song is heavy in its implications on the need for maintaining strong relationships.


The real reason many people don’t pay as much attention to relationships is that it’s a lot of work. Some people are born with this understanding instinctively wired into them. For many others like you and I, we have to build a desire for relationships like muscles, one sinew at a time.

Are you feeling constipated by all you have to share but have no one to share with? Do you feel overwhelmed by the challenges you are facing alone? Are you drowning in self-pity or false pride? When will you admit that you cannot hold your own breath and watch yourself die? Embrace God’s plan for humanity.

We are born to relate, stop gasping for breath.

25: Good Thoughts

Good thoughts, think good thoughts…, think...music, comedies, food...yes! food always works,...well, in theory. Gosh, not everything you read on the Internet is truth; I remember reading somewhere about occupying your mind with pleasant thoughts to overcome fear and what better time or place to test that theory than now, pushing my bicycle down Hilton walk at 2am.
Yes! , Ibidun, there she is, standing just beside the goods entrance to the hotel, good thing she closed on time today, we may get home a bit earlier and get more sleep today.
“My knight and his steed approach..” she announces to her colleagues,.
And in my head, I quickly count the cost of a sarcastic reply, no..”She who holds power o’er the Kitchen key”…no, just smile, I conclude.
We walk together down the pride park of southern Forth Valley, well, a pride in the day and hidden shame at night, where things we shouldn’t speak about happen every night, and yes, even tonight. Looks like we have a younger group living out their curiosities with alcohol and drugs, and more girls with them tonight,… boy, my little girl would be asleep now,..God keep her safe always.
“Hey you! You gotta light?”, a guy, 18 or 19 at most, coming up behind says, just when I have finally gotten my good thoughts flowing.
I walk on with Ibidun, completely ignoring this man with no manners. “You deaf or what, do you have a light?”…I turn my head without stopping, giving him my “Terminator” look…and then he whistles at us.
Whatever, whoever Shakespeare had in mind when he said “Frailty, thy name is woman!”, he obviously had never met anyone like Ibidun.
She stopped, and I knew from the look on her face, if I were to measure the anger she felt within on a scale of 1 to 10, it would be a 15.
I thought he was just drunk before, now I know he was drunk and stupid,.. you don’t whistle at Ibidun. He asked for a light but he was about to get a fire, “Look, we don’t have a light, ok?!” I said, trying to act quickly and steal Ibidun’s opportunity to give it to him.
“Well, you gotta have something I need then, you see..”, he said. One, he’s just one person, easy for me to deal with if it gets to…“Bud! Them funny people giving you some trouble eh?”..one of the girls drinking with this unruly man said to him, as his gang, all looking about 18 to 20 year old, walked towards us. Just perfect, emm, God, could you spare a moment and give me a hand here…
And Oh no, now it’s a macho thing, he has to look good for the girls and his gang. We stand and face them squarely, me, Ibidun and my bicycle,… you don’t want your back to these bunch.
“Me and my pals want to go for another drink at the pub, and we are sort of low on cash, you want to help us out there?, you could come along with us if you like.”..He says to us like we’re his bankers, even his bankers wouldn’t …..
And then I remembered the verse..”I.b..”..I said as I passed my bicycle to Ibidun and walked close to him.
“Kingsley, no..just leave ‘em”..Ibidun said.
“Don’t worry..” ..I responded thinking to myself, she thinks I’m going to fight them, me? Fight? No way! Am I crazy?!
“We’re going this way, and you, are going that way..we have nothing for you and we don’t want any trouble…”…I said, because someone needed to lead this situation, and give the final orders, and it’s surely wasn’t going to be them.
“what?...we’re going that way?..we wanna go with you, cant you see we’re friendly people and just wanna be nice?”..Bud said, well, guessing his name was Bud, that what’s the girl called him anyway and hold on a second, is he coming closer towards me or my eyes are just being tired and ….
“what the ****..I can’t believe he just said that to us,..like we’re his kids or something,…Bud, we’re just going to leave you with your new friends, this is so rubbish,..”..the same girl said again,..not exactly helping the situation at all..
Don’t step back, just don’t move an inch, I’m telling myself,..not fear, but power and a sound mind, that’s what I got, even though Bud’s so close now, I’m not stepping back.
More and more young people in Southern Forth Valley are victims of knife attacks, and gang fights. No knives or sharp objects, that’s the government’s new stand, but its not going to be easy with decadence already eaten deep, masked poverty, poor parenting, etc.
Back to Bud and me, before I could stop her from acting, Ibidun’s already by my side and I need to include this, ... Ibidun is a Lawyer, from the University of Ibadan, Cum laude and Queen Mary’s London with distinguished Honours, but I think what makes her the best is her voice, her accent, her eyes and their piercing search through your lies, and how she can communicate clearly even when upset...
“I have called the police and they will be here in 2 minutes, I advise you do what is best for you and that you do it now”…Superwoman Ibidun says.
“Bud, I don’t want no police trouble now, I already got 2 cautions and my mom’s not going to bail me out this time..”..one of the guys says and there are some other murmuring going on behind him, and I’m grateful it’s working out this way.
In a group they leave and Bud gives us the finger as he turns but that’s okay, they still lose.
“Thank you I.b, and thank God too it didn’t turn to something else o, me wey neva chop since today…wait o, I.b, when did you make the call to the police and which phone did you use?. I thought your phone batteries were dead?”.. I asked Ibidun as we walked home safely…
She just smiled…and I know that evil smile, ….lawyers! lawyers!! wetin dem dey do sef?!


“You ask a young person why he wears a hooded top and if he knew it scared people a bit, and he says,..that’s good, because that’s what he wants. People carry guns and knives because they feel threatened, and if we must change this, then we need to make our communities safer”
Liam Hannan, the Youth Parliament, U.K
http://www.ukyouthparliament.org.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=18

The Sting of Terror

On the 1st of April 2004, I was awakened from sleep by my aunty who played an April fool’s day joke on me, I fell for it and we had quite a good laugh.

Later on at night, precisely 9:50 pm, I was reclining in the comfortable arms of the living room couch when I saw my aunt walk past the living room door with both her hands placed on her chest and the look on her face was like that of someone who had just seen a ghost. I paid little heed to her and turned my attention back to the telly.

From the corner of my eye I then saw someone walk into the living room and I turned to see who it was. To my surprise it was a total stranger who was walking purposefully toward me, he had one hand placed behind him and he had the other hand close to his mouth with the index finger held across his lips, in that way motioning for me to be quiet! I was suddenly furious at this young man who had just walked into my house at this late hour and was demanding me to be quiet, the look of anger must have been evident on my face, for he then brought out the other hand from behind his back and it was only then I realised that he had a gun!

My voice died down within me and my senses went into neutral, prior to my sighting the gun, I had engaged my vocal chords in uttering some words of anger. But on sighting the gun, the only word that escaped my lips was, Jesus!

My attention then shifted to a family friend who was putting up with us, she was sitting across the room from me and was on the phone with her fiancé, I tried to catch her eye but she was lost in love world as she cuddled the receiver in her hand while talking with her fiancé.

This intruder (an armed robber obviously), walked up to her, gently took the receiver from her hand and yanked it off the phone box, it was at this point I assume, that she made a return to earth. While I was watching that scene, another assailant had walked in and was suddenly standing next to me. He held a shot gun to my face and told me in my native language (Yoruba), “See (thrusting the gun in my face), I will KILL you!!!.

From the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes, I had no cause to doubt this threat. But amazingly, my heart did not skip a beat nor did it beat double, I was simply calm, then he told me to lie down on the floor, which I did as manly as I could, without appearing cowardly, while also being careful not to provoke him into thinking that I was trying to resist “robbery”.

He searched my pockets, while yet another assailant came into the living room with the house helps who had been in the other living room ( I later learnt that the robbers were about eight in number, some were keeping guard downstairs ), we were all told to lie down facing the floor. Subsequently we were relocated from the living room to the master bedroom where we joined my aunty and my cousins. We were made to lie down facing the floor. While my aunty was being harassed to bring out all the money she had and other valuables

I had never spared a thought to think that I would one day find myself lying face down on the floor with the house maid lying down right next to me, so it happened on this day. In fact we were practically glued together, breathing in the same air. She was in great panic, and she kept asking me, “what are we going to do now, what are……..” to which I simply replied in a low but firm voice, “KEEP QUIET!”, and amazingly she kept quite after that.

They searched the house and took jewelries, mobile phones and a large amount of money. After which we were all herded into the food store. And this was a paradox of life for me, nine of us living in a large six bedroom apartment with two large living rooms, now being packed like sardine into a 4 x 4 foot sized store room! And we all fitted in quite well too except that there was no space left to take in even a rat.

I had to climb in through the ceiling and came out in the kitchen to set us all free. So did the ordeal end, of which we were all grateful that no one was hurt.

However all this was little compared to the actual sting of terror I experienced 4 days later when the luxury bus I was traveling in, ran into an ambush laid by armed robbers and we were greeted with a hail of bullets! Well, that story will come up another day, if you guys would like to hear it. Bye….