26: Gasping for breath

Air is everywhere and everywhere is air. Fire and Water consists of air. You cannot escape from air except you desire nothingness, except you desire to cease to exist. Air has several components – oxygen, carbon monoxide and other gases in the atmosphere.

It is everywhere yet is not easily perceived because it cannot really be touched, held down or described to the blind. Yet the power of the air is almost God-like. From it, we glean the idea of the ‘breath of life’. Once taken away, all life ends.

The interesting thing is that you cannot take your own life by stopping yourself from breathing. The tension that would be created would force you to take a breath and thus suicide is prevented. No wonder those who commit suicide depend on other instruments to deny them of air…for their own bodies would not co-operate with such an alien concept as suicide.

I see the characteristics of air in the concept of relationships. Relationships fuel the locomotion of existence and support all life. Whether we admit it or not, we were designed for relationships. It is against the very constitution of our being to seek permanent exclusion from relationships with others. Some of the first signs of psychopathology is the excessive desire to stand aloof from all relationships.

Every good relationship is built on acknowledging our need to relate. When you believe that it is natural to desire to relate with others, something unique happens. You enter the circle of a privileged few. Why a privileged few? Simple, many people believe they are doing others a favor when they relate with them.




This thought drives them to play hard to get, to be rude, to leave things unsaid that should be said, to say things that ought to remain thoughts. They trivialize something that is so precious yet so widely misunderstood: the need for relationships.

Do you find yourself hissing when you see the Caller ID on your phone showing the name of someone you think you don’t need? Do you have a pile of mails, e-mails and text messages you haven’t replied to? I do admit some people are just a drain on your time and energy but that isn’t the point. This discussion is about you and not them.

Those two questions may just represent the ‘tongue test’ for your understanding of relationships. They capture how committed you are to keeping a conversation going. When you refuse to reply or initiate a question, you stall the building of relationships. You are practically sucking the air out of a living organism for every discussion is a living organism.

I once read the story of someone that changed his mind from committing suicide because a ‘celebrity’ replied a mail he had written to her. On a lighter note I remember a song by Eminem (the very definition of weird) called ‘Stan’ in which a fan of his called Stan kept writing him mails which he just never got around to reading.

Within the letters, Stan told Eminem about the ways he tried to be as weird as Eminem: mistreating his girlfriend, swearing at his mother etc. When finally Eminem replied, he tried counseling Stan on the folly of following his songs hook, line and sinker but alas it was too late, Stan had killed his girlfriend and had also killed himself ( I think that’s what happened, I can’t remember it all J ).

If only Eminem had replied earlier maybe two lives would have been saved. Though fictional, the song is heavy in its implications on the need for maintaining strong relationships.


The real reason many people don’t pay as much attention to relationships is that it’s a lot of work. Some people are born with this understanding instinctively wired into them. For many others like you and I, we have to build a desire for relationships like muscles, one sinew at a time.

Are you feeling constipated by all you have to share but have no one to share with? Do you feel overwhelmed by the challenges you are facing alone? Are you drowning in self-pity or false pride? When will you admit that you cannot hold your own breath and watch yourself die? Embrace God’s plan for humanity.

We are born to relate, stop gasping for breath.