Idiare Jones' Diary

Victory despite a Setback

2011-10-22T06:09:00.000-07:00

The results of the Presidential elections have been provincially released and the incumbent, President Goodluck Jonathan is set to be declared a winner of the election. On the eve of the elections I had written what I termed my last stand wherein I urged Nigerians to rise to the occasion that the hour presented us.

The election turned on the planks of who were promise makers and promise breakers, the straight and the not so straight, those who said all they believed publicly and those who said politically correct things publicly but were most vicious in private.

I played my role to win votes for the CPC. I made phone calls, sent SMS, had face to face discussions persuading men and women and appealing to them to resist passivity at this election. All I promised was that the change we had always been praying for would not come by electing the incumbent but by those whose greatest crime is their integrity and directness in saying what exactly they would do and promise nothing more.

I was not alone, there were so many volunteers who did the same and so much more – Kayode Ogundamisi, Deolu Akinyemi, Aminu Mohameed Ofis, Christian Love, Oby Ezekwesili, Nasir El Rufai, Adetayo Bamiduro, Chimezie Uguru and so many other known and unknown heroes. This was our finest hour. I respect your courage like the 300 men who marched with Leonidas against Xerxes.

These 300 marched and seemed to fail under the rain of arrows of Xerxes. Yet their courage and victories up till the final battle where they all died inspired the rallying of the whole of Greece to fight for their freedom which they eventually won.

The volunteers of the BB campaign and those who voted CPC all across Nigeria are “the 300”.

In the South east and South south we see results that say 99.4% of registered voters voted for PDP yet we all got the reports of low voter turnout on Saturday in all these areas. Those votes are totally questionable and I hand them over to Prof. Jega and his conscience as the Chief Returning Officer. No one is telling the stories of people being forced at gun point to vote for PDP in warri, of those chased from the polling units in Bayelsa because they wanted to vote for CPC.

The question remains though: would CPC have won in those states? I doubt it but the margins created by “magic voting” have tipped the scales in PDP favor. How about the South West? At my Polling unit in Lagos I spoke with youths and they said they would vote PDP because they believed Goodluck Jonathan was favored by God and so they would support him. The “Goodluck” Narrative clearly worked like a charm. I can say that a lot of votes genuinely went to PDP in the south west.

The A.C.N stepped aside to ensure the PDP victory. History will still reveal how this happened. I commend the margin of victory of PDP to the conscience of the Asiwaju of Bourdillion, may he enjoy all the fruits of his labor.

I commend those who stood on the side of the people of Nigeria in these times. The people in the core north will be accused of voting along regional lines….no one will remember that the masses cried “ Sai Gaskiya” – man of truth- not Sai Hausawa.

They proclaimed their love for truth over religion and ethnicity. These same people voted Obasanjo in 1999 and 2003 but no one remembers that now. They are accused for being ethnic jingoists. I commend their love for truth to the God of all Truth. Their desires will not be cut off.

For all people desiring real change and truth , north, south, east west I commend you to strengthen your hand at the plow. They want us to retreat in shame but we will not. We will continue praying for the present government to succeed as we are enjoined by our faiths to do but we know leopards hardly change their spots.

Goodluck Ebele Jonathan will in the next few months reveal who his friends are – we will confirm it via appointments, contracts and rewards. He will then show his faithful voters how much he loves them soon when he increases the price of fuel so the oil marketers can continue brisk business.

Be of good cheer friends, we did not lose. We won. Organize, Agitate, Persevere.

Do not break ranks and disperse like we lost for we indeed discovered that people could campaign without funds, that we could hold meetings of xtians and muslims in churches and mosques to move our nation forward. We discovered that some people would change their minds if we persist in speaking truth.

We must swell the numbers of those who desire truth before 2015. I will be available for this task.

Will you?

30: Atlas did not shrug

2008-11-05T05:17:00.000-08:00

As we all watched in disbelief, Barack Obama wrestled victory from a nation with a long history of delayed promises to black people. But win he did.

Before now, it was common place to hear people say he could never win, he was too ambitious, he was inexperienced etc. Obama himself harbored the unshakeable belief that Hope made not ashamed and he roused the nation behind him. He won because Atlas did not shrug, what does that mean?

The mythical story is told of Atlas, one of the strongest men alive in ancient Greece that was condemned to carry the world on his shoulder as punishment by the ‘gods’. Ayn Rand, the atheistic philosopher wrote a book with the title ‘Atlas Shrugged’ which played up the possibility of Atlas choosing to shrug, to refuse to play his part in the preservation of the world out of selfish interest. When Atlas shrugged, he would be pursuing self interest over the interest of the community. If he stayed the course, then the world had hope of survival.

In America yesterday, Atlas did not shrug. White, black, Latino and everybody else in between chose the common interest over self interest. They effectively pitched their tent behind a vision that compelled joint effort and shared destiny over their petty issues.

When people questioned me (and indeed many others too) for my rabid interest in the American election, with the sniggering comment “how does it affect us in Nigeria?”, I acknowledge their feeling of futility. Why get worked up over the success of another country and not mind your own?

The truth stands that for the inspiration value alone, it was worth supporting Obama from the NEPA-less streets of Ogba, Lagos. For within this campaign I see that our only hope is in the power of a nation of ‘Atlases’ who refuse to shrug.

Until we can shake off passivity and believe beyond a doubt that our efforts count, we may continue going round in circles. I look forward to the day when we no longer look at ourselves from the prism of ethnic groups but from the real bread and butter issues. Stomachs that rumble with hunger do not have Ibo, Hausa, Yoruba, Itsekiri, Ijaw or Fulani written on them. When a man is too hard up to send his children to a good school, he rarely cares if his President is from his own tribe.

The turning point for Obama came just at the time the economy went burst in the U.S. It suddenly became clear what unites all people is their economic state and fears. Without a doubt, I believe that our salvation may only come when we have politicians who in the same breadth demand for the rights of the oil producing areas to enjoy the economic benefits of their oil and also for the impoverished people of downtown Maiduguri to have qualitative health care delivered to them.

Let us not despair, for in recent years I have seen and heard of such men and women arise from different parts of the country. It may take a little while but we must not relent…there is hope in our future.

I celebrate Barack Obama, the American people and the millions of us that their selfless acts have inspired in the last few months. And for Nigeria…..Atlas must not shrug!

Volume 29: The Dam Will Soon Collapse

2008-08-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

The day dawned with the eerie quiet of a desolate field. A little wind blew this way and that, confident but lacking force. The distant dam was stretched beyond capacity and so it had been for upwards of 5 years straight. Turbines imported from Thailand were the culprit. Third rate they were, pawned off an abandoned dam in the confusion that was Post-Yeltsin’s Russia.

As that country faced an economic meltdown, its nuclear reactors, missiles, turbines, jeeps and AK47’s trickled into the hands of despots and shady businessmen worldwide. A large number turned up in Thailand, pawn capital of the modern world.

Lest I digress, the dam will soon collapse. Even the bolts that held the worn out turbines were rusty and brittle. The relentless surge of the Shilenka River had taken its toll. Who would bell the cat? Surely not Ike Nzenwa. What good would that do? This was the last year before he retired from his job as the dams’ resident engineer and he wasn’t looking to rock the boat now, definitely not now!

Though he sometimes had nightmares of the dam collapsing and Shilenka River sweeping his family away, he could only do what seemed reasonable: he sent his family to his country home, faraway from the Dam.

He would wait it out, confident that God would not let his career end with the scandal of a burst dam on his watch. He had typed a report on his assessment of the strength of the dam but would not file it with the Ministry of Works till he sent in his letter of retirement.

Shilenka River snaked a mighty course, bearing water that ran at such velocity that the state government had found it easy to secure a loan from the World Bank to harness it for power generation. Tunde Magbesheranwan had won the contract through his company Flaky Engineering. How? Favor from above. He had hopped on a plane to Thailand to source the major materials to build the dam. He found many good deals; his profit margin was truly impressive. He built the dam in record time though with faulty materials. At least, everyone that needed to be ‘settled’ had been settled.

Lest I digress, the dam will soon collapse. The residents of Crambani settlement were oblivious to the danger. When the dam burst, they would be directly in the flow of the Shilenka River. On a cool night two years ago, the residents stayed indoors as a youth corper was dragged screaming into the night by the local masquerade, screaming for mercy. In the dead of night, no one would leave the safety of their homes to come to her rescue.

Even when the Federal government sent in a team to investigate the case of the missing corper, no one in the town recalled seeing or hearing anything unusual. They looked at each other and exchanged knowing looks. But no one said anything. Slowly but surely, crime began to leap in quantum leaps in Crambani. No one had the moral courage to point out wrongs anymore. Kids became insolent with their parents. Something had snapped in Crambani. They had institutionalized a guilty conscience.

Lest I digress, the dam will soon collapse…

28: Swagger

2008-06-11T01:28:00.000-07:00

The confident stride melts into the dramatic twist, a pause before you say the next few words, a dramatic little spin on your heels: these are all telltale signs of the phenomenon called “Swagger”.
Have you ever noticed how great performers are so at ease when delivering the masterpieces called their work? Consider how Fela Anikulapo Kuti would start a song with 30 minutes of instrumentals before even uttering a single word! When he would finally start singing, he was never hurried in his delivery, he could say the same thing seven times without a care if you liked what he was saying or not.

Consider Bob Marley, there was always something so unhurried in the way he sang his songs, his confidence in the fact that the audience would wait for him sometimes bothered on arrogance.
Consider Michael Jackson and the way he walked up to a stage to perform and would have so many dramatic pauses as he built up the expectation of his audience before feeding them with what they came for: an out of this world performance.

All these guys have/had what I describe as swagger. But before I deepen my explanation of its relevance, let us consider non-musical examples. When Bill Clinton mounted a stage to speak, he did so with an assurance that he would convert the audience to his way of thinking not only by sheer powerful reason but by the little dramatic things he would do: rub his big nose, stroke his hair back, cup his hands in an oval and stand with his feet apart in a solid position/posture.
Or consider Adolf Hitler giving a speech, he was quite a study in swagger! He would start with his voice low then dramatically raise it, swinging his face this way and that, jut out his jaw, jab the air with his finger and generally just drive his people to ecstasy watching him bring their pride in the Aryan race to life….yuk!

Hate him if you would but Hitler knew something about this phenomenon I call swagger. Why is it that other men with purer motives cannot even get their dogs to sit still and listen to them? Why do more intelligent, warm and kind people fail to develop a following to their cause? Why do musicians who sing clean songs not have as strong a following as Eminem, Bone Thugs & Harmony and Amy Winehouse (the confirmed drug Rehab poster girl)? What do these people have that makes them more attractive to crowds of people that the clean and good people lack?
The answer is SWAGGER. I wouldn’t want to lose the fine essence of swagger by quoting its dictionary definition. I would rather give what is called an operational definition in psychology: a definition given as related to the particular topic at hand.

Swagger is doing what you do with ATTITUDE, going about your things with the cocky belief that you “should” be listened to. It is a confidence that says “hey I’m not to be ignored”. It is the fruit of an elevated sense of self. This is not necessarily a bad thing. The only bad thing may be what is driving that sense of self. For many entertainers and politicians it could be pride, drugs or hubris. For many other professionals in other fields, it is a sense of mastery of their craft that gives them swagger.

This really is the differentiating factor. Many people spend little time developing the mastery of delivery of their expertise. It is possible to have a strong case but if you have not built the ability to deliver it with attitude, with panache, with swagger then many times your pitch would be so ineffective.

For a lot of people it seems obscene to even contemplate refining their ability to deliver anything, to them it seems like something sacrilegious! Truth be told every great song, presentation, sales pitch, sermon, interview etc had first been played out in the mind of the performer.

They had travelled the road before hand and knew the curves, valleys and hills of their project. Hence their mastery, hence the attitude they could command, hence their swagger.

I daresay that anything you do without employing swagger (as defined) will not be as impactful as It could be if you had employed swagger as a willing accomplice. It puts just that little extra that takes your work from good to great.
I’m opening a School of Advanced Swagger Studies….want to register? :-)

27: The Page and The Book

2008-03-11T00:34:00.000-07:00

The pages turn, leaf to leaf they rustle. Fine prints, small fonts, recycled paper, double space, and indented paragraphs: they constitute the citizens of a page. The parchments of old were rolled as one page while modern books are an aggregation of several pages.

Can one page in a book determine the total value of the book? Can the single page turn a new book to a bestseller? Can the contents of a page take a book from literary project to treasonable material? In the days of old the Bible was burned whole, not the pages that the reigning tyrant objected to but the whole book. These questions strike at the heart of the struggle between a man and his mission.

If we liken man to a page and his/her mission to a book then the struggle becomes clearer. A sense of mission and assignment endues many a mortal soul. You live with a sense that you are on earth to do something great…you know that yours is not a life of mere existence but should be one of intentional impact.

Then rises the dilemma when success follows your sense of mission, when the tide has turned in your favor and the justice of your cause becomes clear to all, what happens next? Is it a time for gloating; is it a time to be sunbathed by the praises of the multitude? Or should it be a time when you point the attention away from yourself and to the mission? Which is greater? The man or the mission?

This drama has played itself out throughout history: Achilles after storming the beaches of Troy, Julius Caesar on his return from winning the battles of Gaul, Jesus after feeding the multitude, Churchill when he was finally elected Prime Minister and Tunde Bakare when Obasanjo began to show his true character.

These were decisive times for all these people. They had bested the naysayers, those who said their calculations were risky, those who said they couldn’t deliver on their promises. They leaped forward, some with fear and some with confidence yet they all acted with courage because they could not see beyond their noses at that moment and had to trust their instincts. They knew they were born for the mission and acted with faith in the mission. Their courage paid off.

But this is when the true test comes…for Achilles he became filled with pride and turned the national battle to a fight to immortalize his name. Needless to say many lives were lost for the folly of his ways. For Churchill he graciously embraced those who had called him a warmonger when he clearly saw that Hitler was not a man to be pacified. His action united his nation behind him in the long and bloody battles for the soul of Europe and indeed the world.

But these were all men in the limelight, quite unlike the majority of us. We are not exempt from this dilemma. Those who are blessed with knowledge and jealously withhold its sharing graciously fail like Achilles. The worker who attains distinction at work and is suddenly elevated by the ‘powers that be’ but fails to use his/her new pedestal to plead the case of the not so gifted fails like Achilles.

She considers her elevation an endorsement of herself alone but fails to see it as a gifting that must be used to better the less gifted. Personal accomplishment is a poorly written page when compared to the bestseller that corporate success can become.

Again I ask which is greater, the Man or the Mission? the page or the book?

I beg to plead the case for the mission and the book. For without them, the man and the page would have no context for relevance. In all your posturing, never forget your mission and the strength you ought to show to preserve it above your own glorification.

Don’t be in a hurry to tear out the page from the book, the book would likely lose its total meaning. Its not about you, it’s about the mission. Never forget it.

26: Gasping for breath

2007-08-31T10:53:00.000-07:00

Air is everywhere and everywhere is air. Fire and Water consists of air. You cannot escape from air except you desire nothingness, except you desire to cease to exist. Air has several components – oxygen, carbon monoxide and other gases in the atmosphere.

It is everywhere yet is not easily perceived because it cannot really be touched, held down or described to the blind. Yet the power of the air is almost God-like. From it, we glean the idea of the ‘breath of life’. Once taken away, all life ends.

The interesting thing is that you cannot take your own life by stopping yourself from breathing. The tension that would be created would force you to take a breath and thus suicide is prevented. No wonder those who commit suicide depend on other instruments to deny them of air…for their own bodies would not co-operate with such an alien concept as suicide.

I see the characteristics of air in the concept of relationships. Relationships fuel the locomotion of existence and support all life. Whether we admit it or not, we were designed for relationships. It is against the very constitution of our being to seek permanent exclusion from relationships with others. Some of the first signs of psychopathology is the excessive desire to stand aloof from all relationships.

Every good relationship is built on acknowledging our need to relate. When you believe that it is natural to desire to relate with others, something unique happens. You enter the circle of a privileged few. Why a privileged few? Simple, many people believe they are doing others a favor when they relate with them.

This thought drives them to play hard to get, to be rude, to leave things unsaid that should be said, to say things that ought to remain thoughts. They trivialize something that is so precious yet so widely misunderstood: the need for relationships.

Do you find yourself hissing when you see the Caller ID on your phone showing the name of someone you think you don’t need? Do you have a pile of mails, e-mails and text messages you haven’t replied to? I do admit some people are just a drain on your time and energy but that isn’t the point. This discussion is about you and not them.

Those two questions may just represent the ‘tongue test’ for your understanding of relationships. They capture how committed you are to keeping a conversation going. When you refuse to reply or initiate a question, you stall the building of relationships. You are practically sucking the air out of a living organism for every discussion is a living organism.

I once read the story of someone that changed his mind from committing suicide because a ‘celebrity’ replied a mail he had written to her. On a lighter note I remember a song by Eminem (the very definition of weird) called ‘Stan’ in which a fan of his called Stan kept writing him mails which he just never got around to reading.

Within the letters, Stan told Eminem about the ways he tried to be as weird as Eminem: mistreating his girlfriend, swearing at his mother etc. When finally Eminem replied, he tried counseling Stan on the folly of following his songs hook, line and sinker but alas it was too late, Stan had killed his girlfriend and had also killed himself ( I think that’s what happened, I can’t remember it all J ).

If only Eminem had replied earlier maybe two lives would have been saved. Though fictional, the song is heavy in its implications on the need for maintaining strong relationships.

The real reason many people don’t pay as much attention to relationships is that it’s a lot of work. Some people are born with this understanding instinctively wired into them. For many others like you and I, we have to build a desire for relationships like muscles, one sinew at a time.

Are you feeling constipated by all you have to share but have no one to share with? Do you feel overwhelmed by the challenges you are facing alone? Are you drowning in self-pity or false pride? When will you admit that you cannot hold your own breath and watch yourself die? Embrace God’s plan for humanity.

We are born to relate, stop gasping for breath.

25: Good Thoughts

2007-08-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

Good thoughts, think good thoughts…, think...music, comedies, food...yes! food always works,...well, in theory. Gosh, not everything you read on the Internet is truth; I remember reading somewhere about occupying your mind with pleasant thoughts to overcome fear and what better time or place to test that theory than now, pushing my bicycle down Hilton walk at 2am.
Yes! , Ibidun, there she is, standing just beside the goods entrance to the hotel, good thing she closed on time today, we may get home a bit earlier and get more sleep today.
“My knight and his steed approach..” she announces to her colleagues,.
And in my head, I quickly count the cost of a sarcastic reply, no..”She who holds power o’er the Kitchen key”…no, just smile, I conclude.
We walk together down the pride park of southern Forth Valley, well, a pride in the day and hidden shame at night, where things we shouldn’t speak about happen every night, and yes, even tonight. Looks like we have a younger group living out their curiosities with alcohol and drugs, and more girls with them tonight,… boy, my little girl would be asleep now,..God keep her safe always.
“Hey you! You gotta light?”, a guy, 18 or 19 at most, coming up behind says, just when I have finally gotten my good thoughts flowing.
I walk on with Ibidun, completely ignoring this man with no manners. “You deaf or what, do you have a light?”…I turn my head without stopping, giving him my “Terminator” look…and then he whistles at us.
Whatever, whoever Shakespeare had in mind when he said “Frailty, thy name is woman!”, he obviously had never met anyone like Ibidun.
She stopped, and I knew from the look on her face, if I were to measure the anger she felt within on a scale of 1 to 10, it would be a 15.
I thought he was just drunk before, now I know he was drunk and stupid,.. you don’t whistle at Ibidun. He asked for a light but he was about to get a fire, “Look, we don’t have a light, ok?!” I said, trying to act quickly and steal Ibidun’s opportunity to give it to him.
“Well, you gotta have something I need then, you see..”, he said. One, he’s just one person, easy for me to deal with if it gets to…“Bud! Them funny people giving you some trouble eh?”..one of the girls drinking with this unruly man said to him, as his gang, all looking about 18 to 20 year old, walked towards us. Just perfect, emm, God, could you spare a moment and give me a hand here…
And Oh no, now it’s a macho thing, he has to look good for the girls and his gang. We stand and face them squarely, me, Ibidun and my bicycle,… you don’t want your back to these bunch.
“Me and my pals want to go for another drink at the pub, and we are sort of low on cash, you want to help us out there?, you could come along with us if you like.”..He says to us like we’re his bankers, even his bankers wouldn’t …..
And then I remembered the verse..”I.b..”..I said as I passed my bicycle to Ibidun and walked close to him.
“Kingsley, no..just leave ‘em”..Ibidun said.
“Don’t worry..” ..I responded thinking to myself, she thinks I’m going to fight them, me? Fight? No way! Am I crazy?!
“We’re going this way, and you, are going that way..we have nothing for you and we don’t want any trouble…”…I said, because someone needed to lead this situation, and give the final orders, and it’s surely wasn’t going to be them.
“what?...we’re going that way?..we wanna go with you, cant you see we’re friendly people and just wanna be nice?”..Bud said, well, guessing his name was Bud, that what’s the girl called him anyway and hold on a second, is he coming closer towards me or my eyes are just being tired and ….
“what the ****..I can’t believe he just said that to us,..like we’re his kids or something,…Bud, we’re just going to leave you with your new friends, this is so rubbish,..”..the same girl said again,..not exactly helping the situation at all..
Don’t step back, just don’t move an inch, I’m telling myself,..not fear, but power and a sound mind, that’s what I got, even though Bud’s so close now, I’m not stepping back.
More and more young people in Southern Forth Valley are victims of knife attacks, and gang fights. No knives or sharp objects, that’s the government’s new stand, but its not going to be easy with decadence already eaten deep, masked poverty, poor parenting, etc.
Back to Bud and me, before I could stop her from acting, Ibidun’s already by my side and I need to include this, ... Ibidun is a Lawyer, from the University of Ibadan, Cum laude and Queen Mary’s London with distinguished Honours, but I think what makes her the best is her voice, her accent, her eyes and their piercing search through your lies, and how she can communicate clearly even when upset...
“I have called the police and they will be here in 2 minutes, I advise you do what is best for you and that you do it now”…Superwoman Ibidun says.
“Bud, I don’t want no police trouble now, I already got 2 cautions and my mom’s not going to bail me out this time..”..one of the guys says and there are some other murmuring going on behind him, and I’m grateful it’s working out this way.
In a group they leave and Bud gives us the finger as he turns but that’s okay, they still lose.
“Thank you I.b, and thank God too it didn’t turn to something else o, me wey neva chop since today…wait o, I.b, when did you make the call to the police and which phone did you use?. I thought your phone batteries were dead?”.. I asked Ibidun as we walked home safely…
She just smiled…and I know that evil smile, ….lawyers! lawyers!! wetin dem dey do sef?!

“You ask a young person why he wears a hooded top and if he knew it scared people a bit, and he says,..that’s good, because that’s what he wants. People carry guns and knives because they feel threatened, and if we must change this, then we need to make our communities safer”
Liam Hannan, the Youth Parliament, U.K
http://www.ukyouthparliament.org.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=18

The Sting of Terror

2007-08-03T05:47:00.000-07:00

On the 1st of April 2004, I was awakened from sleep by my aunty who played an April fool’s day joke on me, I fell for it and we had quite a good laugh.

Later on at night, precisely 9:50 pm, I was reclining in the comfortable arms of the living room couch when I saw my aunt walk past the living room door with both her hands placed on her chest and the look on her face was like that of someone who had just seen a ghost. I paid little heed to her and turned my attention back to the telly.

From the corner of my eye I then saw someone walk into the living room and I turned to see who it was. To my surprise it was a total stranger who was walking purposefully toward me, he had one hand placed behind him and he had the other hand close to his mouth with the index finger held across his lips, in that way motioning for me to be quiet! I was suddenly furious at this young man who had just walked into my house at this late hour and was demanding me to be quiet, the look of anger must have been evident on my face, for he then brought out the other hand from behind his back and it was only then I realised that he had a gun!

My voice died down within me and my senses went into neutral, prior to my sighting the gun, I had engaged my vocal chords in uttering some words of anger. But on sighting the gun, the only word that escaped my lips was, Jesus!

My attention then shifted to a family friend who was putting up with us, she was sitting across the room from me and was on the phone with her fiancé, I tried to catch her eye but she was lost in love world as she cuddled the receiver in her hand while talking with her fiancé.

This intruder (an armed robber obviously), walked up to her, gently took the receiver from her hand and yanked it off the phone box, it was at this point I assume, that she made a return to earth. While I was watching that scene, another assailant had walked in and was suddenly standing next to me. He held a shot gun to my face and told me in my native language (Yoruba), “See (thrusting the gun in my face), I will KILL you!!!.

From the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes, I had no cause to doubt this threat. But amazingly, my heart did not skip a beat nor did it beat double, I was simply calm, then he told me to lie down on the floor, which I did as manly as I could, without appearing cowardly, while also being careful not to provoke him into thinking that I was trying to resist “robbery”.

He searched my pockets, while yet another assailant came into the living room with the house helps who had been in the other living room ( I later learnt that the robbers were about eight in number, some were keeping guard downstairs ), we were all told to lie down facing the floor. Subsequently we were relocated from the living room to the master bedroom where we joined my aunty and my cousins. We were made to lie down facing the floor. While my aunty was being harassed to bring out all the money she had and other valuables

I had never spared a thought to think that I would one day find myself lying face down on the floor with the house maid lying down right next to me, so it happened on this day. In fact we were practically glued together, breathing in the same air. She was in great panic, and she kept asking me, “what are we going to do now, what are……..” to which I simply replied in a low but firm voice, “KEEP QUIET!”, and amazingly she kept quite after that.

They searched the house and took jewelries, mobile phones and a large amount of money. After which we were all herded into the food store. And this was a paradox of life for me, nine of us living in a large six bedroom apartment with two large living rooms, now being packed like sardine into a 4 x 4 foot sized store room! And we all fitted in quite well too except that there was no space left to take in even a rat.

I had to climb in through the ceiling and came out in the kitchen to set us all free. So did the ordeal end, of which we were all grateful that no one was hurt.

However all this was little compared to the actual sting of terror I experienced 4 days later when the luxury bus I was traveling in, ran into an ambush laid by armed robbers and we were greeted with a hail of bullets! Well, that story will come up another day, if you guys would like to hear it. Bye….

Picking Napoleon’s Gloves

2007-06-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

The horse snorted and feigned tiredness but Napoleon egged her on. The battle had been long and weary but ride they must, if they would reach the safe point before dusk then ride they must.

As they rode, Napoleon suddenly stopped the horse and dropped his pair of gloves in a deliberate manner. The whole infantry stopped in its tracks. Napoleon’s Chief of Staff came down from his horse and picked the pair of gloves and handed them back to Napoleon. Murmurings stirred through the ranks as men pondered what they had just witnessed. An order was given and the march resumed until they reached the safe point.

The next morning Napoleon called his Chief of Staff and told him to drop their heavy cannons on the spot he had dropped his gloves the day before. “I have done so already sir” was the Chief of Staff’s reply. On hearing this, Napoleon was so pleased, he promptly promoted him for anticipating his command.

This is a slightly embellished true story J but the kernel of truth under girding the story remains relevant. The ability to read the mind of significant others is something that is very rare. It takes a certain level of detachment from our own issues to do it successfully.

It comes from an unselfish heart and attentive eyes/ears. If you don’t take the time to find out what someone likes (your boss, your friend, your wife, your God) you will find out that you will do things for them that they either don’t appreciate or barely notice. The ‘Wow effect’ comes from doing things that strike at the unspoken desires of people.

They want to have something but can’t say it, they want to do something but don’t have the means, and they need to go somewhere but can’t go there themselves. These and many of such situations provide the circumstances for you to ‘pick Napoleons gloves’. The kind of WoW! You will receive tends to lift the spirit more than money can ever do.

The act in itself becomes a memorial to devotion and friendship that can speak for you in future. I recall once observing my then boss go through a short financial dry patch. A millionaire without a doubt was suddenly in need of a few thousand naira to go and do a studio recording! At the time I had the good fortune of receiving payment for a debt owed me. I got to work the next day and gave my boss the money he needed to go to the studio.

He was shell-shocked! To me it was no-biggie but to him it was as if I had voted for his dreams to come true. He took the money and prayed some prayers that ‘change destiny’(as my mum would say) into my life. Without a doubt, those were not empty words for they were backed with all the gratitude and singularity of purpose that has made this man I speak of a worldwide success.

Herein lies the thrust of this message: that the act means so much to the receiver but may not really matter to the giver. This is what separates the boys from the men because many people only love to do what brings them pleasure. If they don’t like going fishing for example, they won’t give you a fishing trip even though that’s what you want.

It takes an unselfish heart to bring pleasure to others when the act may not necessarily bring you pleasure. Like everything in life, unselfishness can be learned. It doesn’t come easy because its not natural to be unselfish.

It’s a muscle that can be built when exercised over time but has its own rewards. In my case I not only got a prayer, I got a raise! Now you know what to do to get your next promotion, hit the ground runningJ!

22: Alone in a dark alley

2007-04-30T00:52:00.000-07:00

We stepped through the trough, slowly meandering through a moon-lit patch of road between a bridge and an abandoned house. I had passed there alone on many a dark night, fearful that a mugging would occur but none of such came my way.

On this day, I was with my colleague. We had come down from the staff bus and sought to connect to a faster point of getting our tired bodies home. He walked in front as we traded some banal gist or the other.

Suddenly I heard a loud shout and rumblings behind me and I looked back. In the corner of my eye I saw my colleague quicken his step while I was suddenly cornered by three bats out of hell.

They gnarled and barked, pinned me to the wall as they searched my pockets and cut my phone pouch off with a loosely held knife, all the while issuing threats of bodily harm coming my way. Was I scared? I’m not sure, all I felt was a certain surreal observation of the events as they were unfolding.

I felt somewhat detached from it all, it didn’t even occur to me to shout for help. For some reason I only decoded later, I felt it would make no difference. As soon as they had all they wanted, they took off and pounced on a man who was coming into that valley of darkness.

The man firmly resisted, I immediately turned to help his resistance and see if there was still hope to rescue my phones. The three goons immediately abandoned him and bolted into the darkness.

The man and I then walked to the top of the tight road where I met my colleague and two other men. He asked me what happened. In my semi-dazed state I related what happened to him. He then said he had kept on going not knowing I wasn’t still behind him.

Pray tell, when you discovered I wasn’t behind you did you come back looking for me?

It never occurred to me that he had actually been aware of the robbery and ran ahead and stayed in the safety of the other side of the dark alley. The man who escaped the robbers and the other two men asked why I hadn’t shouted for help but I had no response.

All that had happened still had not fully dawned on me. I later pieced the details together and knew why I had not called for help. Sub-consciously I knew my colleague had run out on me, this had created in me a sense of resignation,, for if the person I expected to come to my rescue had run for safety who else would come to my help?

You can be lonely and not alone. A million people may surround you and yet their presence lends no specter of peace to your troubled soul. You may have their physical presence nearby but in your heart you feel you cannot count on them in a storm.

How can this be? It occurs when people are desperate for their own survival, when they place no premium on being there for others. They can be in a company and contribute little or nothing to the success of the firm. They are comfortable just coasting along and playing safe, they have no sense of investment and involvement in the fields of life where they play.

They can be members of a team and yet their presence is not felt. Have you ever noticed what happens in a church during praise & worship when the loudspeakers fail? There is such a sudden drop in the sound of clapping and singing because the speakers were actually doing all the work.

This is the time when the members ought to even increase the tempo of their clapping and the pitch of their voices. Sadly this is the very time when people decrease their participation as their eyes desperately scan the environment for assuring signs that something is being done to relieve them from the chore of really singing and clapping! Funny isn’t it?

Amongst friends, when they notice a friend in need they still behave like all is well. They tell themselves that if their friend is really in need he/she should ask for help. Yet a real friend scans the environment for the needs of their friends and prepares ahead to help out. They hardly wait to be asked, they are proactive. When they are on your team you’re covered.

This may seem far fetched and too tall an order but it’s the building block of great relationships. When I can count on you and you can count on me we can both step forward to excel. Why do you think some groups of friends excel and some don’t or only a few members excel? We can only step out to do great things when we are sure our back is covered.

We can excel without backup but to excel consistently requires having the security of people who will be there for us. Try to be there for people, especially those who need you to be there for them.

Be there for your family, be there for your loved ones, be there for your company, be there for your country and be there for God too. He has needs too you know! Never leave them in a dark alley, if you can’t help personally, rally help from others for them and they would always be grateful.

21: Going Global

2007-04-11T04:44:00.000-07:00

My people (thats how the politicians greet us now!), hope alls well with you and yours?
The last write up provoked some interesting responses which led me to think of doing a follow up on it but.....some new thoughts have taken an ascendancy in my mind.

I read somewhere that we are in the Age of Talent, the next fronteir when the skills of persons and nations are the commodities of exchange. Looking at the fount from which i drink i.e. the Bible, i noticed the importance Jesus placed on the word 'Talent'.

This article attempts to find present day relevance to this issue. Let me know what you think.

Have a great month

(P.S I got mugged last night and lost my phones, sad to say i dont have good phone records so pls email your phone numbers to me when you can. Thanks.......please vote someone in that will deliver Lagos from criminals this saturday!)

Going Global

Strengths, talents and resources are in short supply. The wisdom of economics talks about scales of preference, opportunity cost and how you must firmly decide on how to allocate resources. My contemplation today resides on where a person chooses to perform on the stage of life. Must you settle for a local theatre or the national/international theatre? Before you accuse me of rambling let me set the tone.

A biblical story comes to my rescue here. In the time of the Judges, Israel had no king. The implication was that everyone did what they liked. In those uncertain times, a young Levite roamed the countryside. He had been trained to make enquiries of God on behalf of the Israelites.

He was armed with knowledge that was most sought after by a lot of people. He could give direction to the troubled and confused, he could advice men on which businesses would work, he could predict which battles would be won and lost.

As he wandered, looking for a new place to live, he came upon the house of a man called Micah. After a quick interview, Micah took him in as his own personal priest and negotiated to pay him ten pieces of silver a year, a change of clothes and food. Having no better options, the Levite accepted the job and started work as a ‘personal consultant’ to Micah.

All was rosy till the day Dan, a tribe of Israel decided they needed a place to settle down. They sent some spies to scope the territory and spent the night at Micah’s home. While there, they asked the Levite to consult God on their behalf and he told them they had God’s backing for victory.

When they returned after mobilizing the rest of the tribe, they proceeded to cart away all the priests’ tools of trade. When he confronted them, they challenged him to follow them with the words “Isn’t it better to be a priest for an entire tribe of Israel than just for the household of one man?”(Judges 18:19 NLT) He happily followed them and abandoned Micah’s home.

There lies my contemplation. When you are gifted to do something, are you at liberty to choose your field of performance? Should you limit your abilities to a small group or embrace the challenge of taking on a larger role? The answer may seem obvious until you view the world as I see it.

Many people who have been resourced by God to bless the world hide their ability within a small confined space and set of people. They feel that to seek to spread their circle of influence is synonymous with naked ambition. I beg to differ!

When you stand before God he will not only run a checklist of your good and bad deeds, he will also ask you what you did with all His resources. Did you double the talents or did you shrink from ‘hustling’ for fear that you were becoming too ‘ambitious’?

The right type of ambition is not the type Satan expressed in John Milton’s classic ‘Paradise Lost’ where he declared it ‘Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven’. Rather it is the type expressed by Dr. Nnamdi Azikwe who preferred to be called the Zik of Africa rather than the Owelle of Onitsha.

The heart and spirit of service is the essence of the right type of ambition. You seek to go higher not so that you can lord it over others but that you may have more people to serve.

In this ‘Post-motivational’ world when we have all heard the stories of making an impact, dying empty, using your talents bla bla bla….it is instructive to note that though you’ve heard it a million times, the message only resonates when you actually do try to put what you’ve heard into practice.

How long will you limit yourself? Desire to bless larger groups and you will be highly rewarded. You were not born to be a local champion but a global citizen! When will you go global?

You can get my book "War by Other Means" at Terra Kulture, Tiamiyu Savage Street, Victoria Island Lagos....Thanks!

Face the day boldly...if you fall, get up and keep running!
http://idiare.bornafrican.com/

20: Blessed Freakiness

2007-03-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

Hope alls well with you. I must apologize for not writing anything in awhile. I've had to battle extreme laziness and inspiration drought. As a result i was almost tempted to say this should be the last write up from this series. I buried the idea when a friend said to me something i will never forget "Never change your objective because you are falling short, just adjust your tactics and keep going". By God's grace i'm in for the long haul.

Enjoy this month's article, stay blessed!

When I was in university, my room mates always teased me about the way I wrapped my towel around my waist. It would be wrapped with a big in-folded knob on my left hip. Their interest in the way I tied my towel was just a big irritation to me (why do you bloody care?!). Unknown to me they were on to something.

Though born and raised in Lagos , I am an Itsekiri from Delta state. I have been to the Delta only two times in my lifetime but my roots had a grip on me I never knew. I found out much later that my ‘style’ of wrapping my towel was the same way the Itsekiris tie the native wrapper! I had not been taught this by my Dad neither do I particularly remember seeing him ever tie one.

So how do we explain such a strange coincidence? I can only conclude that by some strange freak of nature I somehow had it in me to know how to tie an Itsekiri wrapper unconsciously.

This thought has led me to the constant scanning of my environment and behavior to tease out more of such freaks of nature. To do so would require first and foremost a clear definition of what these unconscious abilities are. They are things you feel you cannot do but are already doing or have done albeit unconsciously. Coming to a consciousness of them should be liberating and empowering for they are a sign from heaven that all hope is not lost, that you are not beyond change and growth.

Consider for example the ability to swim. Many people quite rightly believe they cannot swim. They hate large bodies of water, cannot float or just haven’t been in a pool before. What would they say if I reliably informed them that they can swim and have actually won a medal for swimming?

Let me explain. For every single living human being, that person beat over a million other spermatozoa to fertilize an egg. That contest was a swimming competition and every single one of us is a Gold medalist in swimming as a result! I hope you haven’t fallen off your chair laughing! The point is that to swim and win is your birthright….come on you can do it!

I heard a funny story/joke about an ibo guy who was asked what 4 + 7 was. The guy went dumb and couldn’t answer. The more they asked, the more perplexed he became. Then his boss sauntered in and asked what the challenge was, when he was told he promptly phrased the question this way “Mike, four naira plus seven naira na wetin?’ Mike’s eyes lit up as he said with much gusto “ Na eleven naira be dat!”

Guys, it’s all about context when you come down to it. When you phrase every challenge, problem or need for change in a context you are used to or have succeeded in, it becomes obvious that there’s really nothing impossible for you to change, be, do or have.

Have these three scenarios in your mind as you face today and every other day. I will never say never to myself or to anyone else. Who knows, I just might still win a Nobel prize for solving some obscure mathematical challenge, you never know……

You can get my book "War by Other Means" at Terra Kulture, Tiamiyu Savage Street, Victoria Island Lagos....Thanks!

Face the day boldly...if you fall, get up and keep running!
http://idiare.bornafrican.com/

19: Eventually

2006-12-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

When strength is applied unto any given task, success is almost assured. It is therefore very important that we know exactly what it is we hope to achieve before we begin any activity.

I have noticed the care and precision bordering on the magical that some people apply to the preparation of a one-off event say a party, convention, wedding, sports competition or anything of that mold.

They begin to gather resources together, mobilize men and women to come to their aid and apologize for past wrongs in order to make a success of this one off event. This to my mind is all well and good. My only issue is when this is done with a short term perspective.

I’m talking about preparing for an event without preparing for ‘eventually’. What is ‘eventually’? Eventually represents every thing that should follow after an event. The institutions and systems that should make the one-off event have continuous significance.
The pillars and foundations that had been sunk into the ground before the event to ensure your efforts will not have been in vain.

Whenever Nigeria has hosted a major sporting tournament, we build a new stadium or refurbish the old ones. We buy buses and other sporting equipment only to let them all rust after the tournament. The care that was taken to plan the event is not applied to preserving the investments made.

The same can be said of weddings, when people take especially great care to prepare for a wedding and do not spend as much time and attention to planning the marriage that should follow the wedding. You see a heavy budget wedding leading to a very unhappy marriage. Sad don’t you think?

How about the last primaries of the political parties? We saw heavy expenditure applied to producing ‘candidates’ for different positions. In the process of picking them, many members have become aggrieved and are already plotting the destabilization of the campaigns of the ‘victors’.

My concern is that in all the things we do going forward; we should give a thought to how our efforts will be sustained. The last thing I want for myself or for anyone I know is to be a ‘has been’, a flash in the pan or a one night wonder.

That your every effort may be sustained and yield success for you and countless generations is my sincere prayer. May your every effort yield fruit that will last, God bless and have a great year ahead.

18: Let Speedy Racer Be

2006-12-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

One of my earliest thoughts of childhood was a day I returned from school and made a straight beeline for the TV. My mother quickly derailed that journey and herded me to the room to change and do my homework.

The assignment was of all things, Mathematics! I was more than annoyed. I felt like a huge lion that was trapped in a small cage, pacing the cage…constantly looking for some weak part of it that I could tear through to freedom. I wanted to attend to more important matters of life like the ‘Speedy Racer’ cartoon that I knew would be showing at that time. In my small head I was pissed off that Nnamdi, my best friend at the time would have to tell me again what happened tomorrow.

My mom did all she could to get my mind to focus on the homework but I was just coasting, waiting for her to get fed up and let me be. She soon got fed up as always but then said a few words she had never said before. Those words have become a template for me in making choices about my life ever since.

She looked at me with weary eyes and asked “if you don’t learn this mathematics how do you want to count all your millions when you grow up? Do you want people to cheat you because they know maths and you don’t?” it was one of those defining moments in a young idiots life that cartoons dramatize with a light bulb lighting up beside the cartoon characters head.

I saw into the future with as much clarity as was possible for a 6/7 year old. Watching ‘Speedy racer’ didn’t seem so much of a wise decision anymore. My desire to watch it seemed to melt like ice. I was prepared to learn this horrible mathematics if it would ensure I wasn’t cheated of my very prosperous future as painted by mother. She didn’t speculate about ‘if’ I would have millions, she only expressed worries about my being cheated!

There are several life lessons I have taken away from this encounter which it pleased God to leave as a vivid memory of childhood (I really don’t have a very strong memory). At this time I would just like to zero in on two of them.

Firstly, that encounter forever etched in my subconscious the need to evaluate every decision based on its implications on where I wanted to go and the person I wanted to become. I could never afford to be so unserious that I left the things that would ensure my future success in jeopardy and pay attention to less important things.

Setting priorities has thus become the broken record I sing to everyone who asks for my help in navigating through life and overcoming failure. I have noticed how people say they want to do X or achieve Y or become a Z kind of person yet the way they spend their time and resources does not give priority to that desire. When I speak to a student who is not doing as well in school as he/she wants, I do a serious life audit of how they spend their time and ask them to rank what they say is important to them and how they actually spend their time and resources. For those who quickly ‘get it’, they see that how they live will never get them to where they say they want to be.

This principle cannot be broken. You cannot say that your spouse is more important to you than your friends yet you spend more of your time and resources on your friends than on your spouse. That is a recipe for failure. It’s a principle that runs through every endeavor. I have seen people achieve incredible success in their academics after I shared this story and worked through its application with them.

If I claim to have always used this principle I would be a major liar. I have floundered here and there but I always return to it when I miss my way.

Secondly, I learnt that one must stay true to him or herself. I wanted to watch Speedy Racer not only for its entertainment value but also to be able to discuss weighty cartoon matters with my friends in school. This in and of itself is not a bad thing; we are made for interaction and relationship. However I see that sometimes our need to ‘fit in’ can make us take wrong turns and major on minors, not staying true to who we are and what we can do. My best friend Nnamdi was a natural with maths, I on the other hand have had a running battle with maths. If I built my study model around him I would have failed permanently.

This principle came to my rescue in secondary school as well. When in SS1 all my friends were choosing to become science students I was sorely tempted to follow them. But then I searched deep within and found that my strengths were not in any of those areas. It was almost blasphemous then for people perceived to be brilliant to do Arts subjects but I carried my cross firmly and without shame. Many of my friends ended up failing their science courses consistently but I had a smooth sail in my area of competence.

You may seem stupid or headstrong when you follow this principle properly. This is because it goes against the general human instinct to go with the crowd. He that has not learnt how to be totally alone is not yet ready to enjoy success. Sometimes you must place your bets on a ‘dark horse’ that everyone is avoiding to make impact.

This doesn’t mean life must be joyless and watching cartoons is bad, it just says that we must place the horse before the cart and not the other way around. Staying true is all that’s left when we set the proper priorities.

Both of these principles I learnt from my mother. She never knew the impact of that encounter would have but heaven only knows its impact on my life and on those I have shared them with it. This is a birthday tribute to her. Today is her day...

17: Acknowledge the Cradles

2006-10-30T17:33:00.000-08:00

When someone begins a journey to achieve some goal or the other, those who will eventually succeed are those who travel light. When I say ‘travel light’ I mean carrying the least amount of luggage possible.

When you see mountain climbers hang precariously from a cliff with several types of light equipment hooked to their jackets, you may be thinking they are carrying too many things. However if you probe deeply you will be surprised to discover that no one tries to ‘travel light’ as much as climbers. They can carry as many as twelve items but you can be sure that every one of those items is critical to the success of the trip

No matter how heavy these necessary things are, the climber will never hesitate to carry them. You may never see them with a microwave oven but be sure they have tins of sardine somewhere in their backpacks. You may never see them with the complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica but you can be sure they have their compass with them. These things are critical for the climber.

A clear analogy to this is the significance of acknowledging the roles certain persons or institutions have played in your life. Many people tend to feel this is unnecessary, a distraction and a waste of their time, ‘luggage’ which would slow down their fast track through life. They believe whatever success they enjoy can be traced back to their own efforts alone. No one should share the spotlight with them.

They never acknowledge the father that gave them life nor the mother who nursed them.

Their teachers who taught them are ignored, their fellow students who helped them on the way are despised, their co-workers and bosses who supported them are treated as trash.

I read an article recently that talked about the mistakes many organizations make when they hire a ‘star’ from another company. The star comes in and finds that he cannot accurately re-ignite the magic that made him shine like it did where he was coming from. She finds that many of the things that helped her to succeed were a fall out of the kind of people she was working with. Am I saying one person cannot make a difference? No, I’m just trying to locate that difference in a specific context. That context says that ‘those we are with help us to perform badly or well in addition to our personal abilities.’

A star cannot shine in isolation, if it has no solar system in which to shine then it will not shine. The fact remains that other people are very important to your success. The sooner you acknowledge and recognize them, the greater your success will be. For a newly hired star to shine, he needs to build new social ties that will make him or her effective at what he does.

When you acknowledge the cradles that rock(ed) you, you unleash a heavenly force that makes your work easier. Do you praise those who have blessed you both publicly and privately? Have you shared the spoils of victory with the men who followed you to battle? Have you taken a gift to the woman who carried you for 9 months? Have you done the same for the husband, friend or colleague who always seems to be there for you even when you sometimes are not there for them?

Life is so short that every day needs to be lived like it was your last. Acknowledge the cradles that rocked you before they ask you to do so. It is so sad to hear when someone has to ask you to acknowledge their contribution to your life or for affirmation. I agree that there are many people who will claim to have had a hand in your success even when you both know it’s a lie. This article was not written for such people. They are leeches not ladders.

I am talking about those whom your heart knows without a doubt, have helped make you better. For these people you have to be proactive, you have to scan the environment to create ‘acknowledgement sessions’. For them an out of the blues ‘thank you for just being you’ is music to the ears.

Affirm them and they will keep affirming you, ignore them and they will silently withdraw from you. They are only human you know.

An African proverb posits that “the river that forgets its source will soon dry up”. Don’t let your river dry up friend. Reach out to your cradles and they will keep rocking your world for the better.

16: The Desired Future

2006-09-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

The woman got into the bus strapping a baby to her back. As she wobbled in, she also led in front of her a little girl of about two years. I was seated at the back seat and watched her maneuver her way in

She sat down and made the little girl sit down beside her. I watched with keen interest the exchange I sensed was soon to follow. Seated on the seat beside the lady with the child was another woman. Motherly and probably in her 30’s, she immediately put on a scowl as she watched the woman with the two children. What was the reason for her annoyance?

The lady with the children was clearly Hausa. She had the tribal marks and smelt of ‘turare’, the distinctive perfume synonymous with the Hausa peoples of Nigeria . She looked frail physically and weak financially.

The other lady was Yoruba and looked physically and financially stable. She expected the Hausa lady to carry her daughter on her lap so she asked ‘Is she going to sit down?’ with enough sarcasm to drown a whale, implying her doubts on the woman’s ability to pay for two seats.

‘I go carry my pikin’ came the confident response from the Hausa woman as she immediately lifted her daughter onto her lap. There was something about the way she replied; it was so dignified and inconsistent with her fragile and helpless frame.

I noticed a change in the Yoruba woman’s countenance; she immediately offered to help carry the daughter and the mother agreed. I just sat in that bus astounded by that brief yet powerful exchange.

How one woman rose above her lowly status to defend her right to be treated with respect. How another woman tapped into her motherly instinct and forgot her prejudices. Yet it was that initial stand taken by the Hausa woman that opened this flood gate

Prejudice walks around on two legs and has two arms. If you look closely through a mirror you just might see yourself. It is the way people think, act and speak with petty prejudices about certain ethnic groups that especially rankles. ‘Ibos are so XXX’, ‘Hausas can be so XXX’, ‘Tivs are so XXX’ and on and on we go, reducing whole peoples to half formed stereotypes that are too general to be accurate.

Prejudices may not seem very significant but when left unchecked, they can form the ingredients of a deadly cocktail reminiscent of Rwanda . Anyone who has watched the movie ‘Sometimes in April’ will easily understand this train of thought.

For 100 or so days, men slaughtered their fellow citizens because of the continuous propaganda on the radio describing another ethnic group as cockroaches for whom using a bullet to kill would be a waste of resources, ‘Use the machete and save your bullets’ was the message.

Those who spread these prejudices would quickly describe Hitler as a devil but would not acknowledge their similar ancestry with him because they lack the power to enforce their prejudices the way he had and did.

When I confront people with their prejudices, they downplay it and think I am just exaggerating. I have seen otherwise sane students begin to molest a fellow student all because he was wearing a jellabia on the night of M.K.O Abiola’s death. The conclusion was that ‘they’ had killed him. ‘They’ there being Hausas, my colleagues were resolved to kill anything that so much as looked or dressed Hausa. It turned out the young man was actually Ibo and this was what saved his life that day.

I stood there that cold, wet night in University of Ibadan stupefied by what I had nearly just witnessed. How is it that we so quickly forget the things that make us similar and grab the things that separate us? Why do we act like our differences matter more than the common humanity which we all so generously share as a gift from God?

Like the woman on the bus was so sharply reminded, she had more in common with the Hausa lady than she realized. They were both mothers, though from different ethnic groups. The issues they faced on a daily basis were not too different.

My challenge to you is to stand on the side of those who will see similarities more than differences especially as it relates to social interaction amongst ethnic nationalities. Will you be one of those parents who reject a young man or woman from another tribe as a bride or groom for your child not on the grounds of character but on mere tribe? Will you be one of those who vote for a politician because of where he is from? Will you be the one who casts the first stone when someone is about to be lynched just because he is from a ‘troublesome’ tribe?

The future we all dream of requires a sharp ‘no’ to these questions. It is the smallest price we can pay to move forward. Let us all be counted on the right side. The future is counting on you.

15: Shark

2006-08-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

Friends, to write is to bare one's soul from time to time. This one means more to me than a few words strung together, Let me know what you think. God bless
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In war it is reputed to be a good strategy to continually keep your opponent guessing. The less they know of your thoughts, plans, intentions and movements, the better your chances of obtaining victory in a contest of wills

The ability to feign real or imagined stupidity is also believed to be an indispensable quality of those who will succeed. Throwing people of balance by acting less able than you are involves hiding your abilities. How able are you to keep your strengths and weaknesses hidden?

Sometimes in dealing with people who could be intimidated by your strengths, it becomes wise to downplay your strengths to ensure your survival. For superiors who either have low self esteem or a poor skills base, it is sometimes wise to adopt this strategy of hiding your strengths lest they feel threatened and then crush your chances of advancement.

When you are haggling for a commodity in the market, your ability to conceal your obvious love for the item will affect the sellers ‘abeg’ price (the price at which he tells you to visit Satan’s home). Too great a display of interest raises the scent of blood for the shrewd businessman, very few can resist going for the kill at this discovery. Like a shark, he moves in for the kill swiftly.

There are also employers who will give the worst possible offer to those they know are badly in need of money. A casual observation of the job seeker yields the distinct smell of desperation. Most people have no qualms in exploiting this to the limit.

In relationships (business and otherwise), showing too much attention may affect the response you will get from a partner. You will either be highly valued or treated as a doormat based on your level of obvious infatuation. He/she who reveals too much care and concern will usually be taken for granted. This ought not to be but it is the sad reality

Only a few people can resist the temptation of not using their knowledge of the dispositions of others against them. It is more natural to exploit others than it is to protect them.

This is the thought of my heart at this time. How many times have I been a ‘Shark’ myself and moved in at the scent of blood? How many times have you done so?

While doing this may yield immediate benefits, it is not a sustainable strategy. Those who are taken advantage of will eventually resist and withdraw from you and I. Will that really make you happy? I don’t think so.

We must take the moral high ground in all our dealings. I believe in winning and succeeding in everything I do but I would rather not do it at the expense of anyone else. Their needs, their dreams, their flaws, their passions and even their concern for me should not form a basis for me to take them for granted nor take advantage of them.

This is my earnest prayer. So help me God.

Face the day boldly...if you fall, get up and keep running!

14: Stick to your stones

2006-07-31T17:19:00.000-07:00

Guys, I hope you had a great month. I was able to give birth to a three year pregnancy, finally getting a book I wrote during NYSC printed. It’s been a while coming but that’s a story for another day. I hope to have a formal book launch and I will be inviting you all to come, with or without your cheque books, preferable the former! Have a chew on this thought for the month. Stay blessed.

Stick to your stones

I once spoke to a friend’s younger sister about an examination she was preparing for. It was either TOEFL or SAT because she was wanted to go schooling in the United States.
A key requirement of the examination was an ability to write very good essays on subjects of your choice.

She was at a loss on what to write and asked me for help. I then proceeded to tell her to write on her experience of growing up without a father because their parents were separated. She was very puzzled about my suggestion and asked my reasons for that topic.

As I understood it, such a life experience is always a very emotional one and is usually laced with sparks of passion that cannot be duplicated by writing about some fictional occurrence. You see, I lectured with all the wisdom of a wannabe Sage; whatever sparks your emotions gets noticed and has more impact on any audience.

I have noticed that the songs that stir the most, the books that melt the hearts, the speeches that win the election are the passionate ones. Not only must they be passionate, they must have a spark of authenticity that will set them apart. Mere headwork will not suffice; mere gimmickry cannot substitute the power of an authentic and passionate slice of your life being experienced in your contribution to your world.

One time presidential candidate in the US, Al Gore is a passionate defender of the Environment. Yet he made the very costly mistake of listening to his consultants who told him to avoid focusing on the environment during his campaign and speeches. They gave him a list of ‘safe’ topics they had analyzed from several polls of the electorate. The fact of the matter was that he wasn’t passionate about any of those issues!

He ended up looking stiff and unsure throughout the campaign period because he went to war with borrowed armor, armor he hadn’t tested before, weapons he didn’t know how to fight with. That wasn’t the only reason he lost the election but I’m sure it formed a major reason why he lost.

Real leadership doesn’t sample what is d best thing to say from the crowd and then say it. Real leadership goes to its heartfelt core and uses what it knows to be true and convinces those who follow.

It was with such boldness of heart that David rejected the armor of Saul as he approached battle with Goliath, he stuck to the stones he was used to. They had never failed him and they didn’t fail him on that day.

In a world that demands conformity, it is essential that we stick to what makes us unique and authentic, that which brings out the passion that propels us to significance. Your uniqueness is all you’ve really got to offer.

Everyday I pray to find more stones to add to my pouch, my authentic stones will not let me down. Yours won’t either. Go on, go get your stones! Peace.

13: ONCE UPON A BULLY

2006-06-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

Hello again! I hope you missed me! Well I want to assure you that Idiare Jones Diary is back with a bang. I pray I will be able to give you more valuable written material in the coming year as interestingly I’ve never been more swamped by work as I am now. By the way, the presentation I spoke of in Volume 12 was to MTN and by God’s grace we won. This has meant more work for me but by His grace I will more than cope.

The results of the essay competition are in. We had four entries with one of them being a valiant first attempt by Kingsley Ebruke to spin out an essay while trying not to fall asleep! He promised to send another entry but I guess he couldn’t, his ‘sleepy effort’ forms part of the four entries. I also got an essay from Charles Oyibo, Ayo Akinwale and Dupe Adeolu. I must salute their courage for sending them; they have obviously conquered the fear most people have of opening their work for public scrutiny and also making out time from their busy schedules. They are all winners in my book.

The selection criteria set for the essay was that it must be simple (use of everyday language), clear (consistent message) and original (No plagiarism!), the first and second were more critical to the choice of winners. Dupe Adeolu produced the write up that I believe most clearly answers the set criteria.. She gets as her prize a brand new copy of “The Note” by Angela Hunt. Ayo akinwale came a close second and gets “Purple Hibiscus” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie as his prize and Charles Oyibo came third with a very interesting write up, he will get his prize in December. I’m sure Kingsley Ebruke would have given them all a run for their money if he had fulfilled his promise to re-write…his essay had the most colorful character sketch of a bully I’ve ever seen!. He gets “The 21 Indispensable qualities of a Leader by John Maxwell” for participating.

Produced below is Dupe’s winning entry. Her moral high ground response to the bullies is a clear example of how to refuse to let your river become poisoned. Enjoy it as Volume 13. Responses will be welcomed. God bless.

ONCE UPON A BULLY

It was a cold rainy day and I was on my way back home from Church. We had a Christmas Cantata coming up and I had been chosen to act the part of the drummer boy who played for Jesus.

Getting the role itself was a miracle for this shy and quiet 12year old, while playing the part was better than I ever imagined. No wonder there was so much envy from all the other girls and not to mention the boys who despised the idea of a girl playing 'the drummer boy'.

I was still replaying the events of the day and thinking about how popular I was going to be after the whole show when someone bumped into me from behind, I tripped and fell flat on my face and was shocked to hear the laughter of about four kids behind me.

I tried to pick myself up in as dignified a manner as I thought possible, only to be tripped again, this time with more laughter from the kids. My mind was reeling with foul words that I could use on those nasty kids from the pits of hell, how did they ever find the four walls of a church in the first place?

But right there and then, I carefully stood to my feet and faced those bullies; I looked into their faces one by one. They noticed my calm and stopped laughing. I stared at them one after the other with no sign of anger or remorse in my _expression, just a sad, pitying look, wondering how kids with good parents and who came for Bible study every week could still turn out to be so rude and manner less.

They got uncomfortable when I didn't curse or kick back and they just walked away one after the other, one even said he was sorry. I had spoiled their fun. They wanted to see me fight and shout back so they could tell every other person I was just a nasty snub after all.

Well I didn't give them that pleasure, I don't even know where I got the boldness to stare back at them, I just did and they really felt silly. The only girl amongst them came to me later to say she was sorry, and we actually became very good friends.

I guess one doesn't need to repay evil with evil, but overcome evil with good

12: Dare the rain to fall

2006-05-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

You could cut the tension with a knife, at least on our side. We were making the most important presentation of our professional lives to the biggest of the big brands in that industry and we had exceeded the time given to us and hadn’t finished our presentation.

We had spent sleepless nights and a significant amount of money running into millions of naira to prepare for this presentation and here we were being told we had only one minute left! If we could fall on our knees and beg for extra time, we would have but our lead presenter did something else: he just kept on pressing on!

Rather than waste time agonizing, he felt the thing to do was to just keep talking, hoping that the passion with which he was carrying on would cover for our lapses in managing our time.

And it worked! Nothing brings out the fight in man than a challenge confronted headlong. The judges held their peace as the last presenter handed over to the next person and that one handed over to the next person. In a blaze of glory, we finally finished pitching our ideas on how to take their business to the next level.

As we left the hall just a few days back, it dawned on me how I sometimes waste time seeking permission from the world to do what I’m sure needs to be done. This “Permission Paralysis” can totally paralyze initiative if you let it get a grip on you.

Permission paralysis arises from a desire to cover all bases so that failure, if it occurs, can be blamed on others. You see people who should know what is good from what is bad still asking for permission to do the needful. In a management position, such persons are the frustration of their bolder subordinates.

It comes from that desire to wait for perfect conditions before you act. I have learnt from personal experience that perfect conditions hardly ever present themselves. I sometimes reaffirm this truth to myself whenever I decide to wash my clothes.

If it is cloudy outside and threatening to rain, I still go out and start washing. I assume a stance of almost daring the rain to fall and I can in all honesty report that the rain has backed down 90% of the time. How this happens remains a mystery to me but I conclude that we have more control over the elements than we know.

Permission paralysis arises because somewhere along the line we have been penalized for taking initiative in the past. Eagerness was cut short by some careless superior who had the power to determine the destiny of our ideas and actions. Some people fail to recover from this experience and keep looking for the validation of their intentions before turning them to action.

This is an invitation to mediocrity for the rest of your life! You will never have the whole stadium on your side on the field of play. You must arm yourself with the guts that will propel you over the fence of complacency. If Einstein waited for the permission of his teachers before trusting in his inherent genius we would never have heard of him because they told him he would never amount to much.

Whose permission are you seeking to do what you know to be the needful at that point in time? Please wrest your God given powers of initiative from them and get to work. Please dare the rain to fall! Peace.

***

Hi peeps, I thank God that we have all lived to see this day. By His grace, this is the 12th volume of this diary, meaning I’ve actually written something for a full year! To reward my good friends who have kept the faith and encouraged me to keep writing I will be giving a couple of prizes out.

The first goes to Charles Oyibo, who has been the most frequent commentator on these articles (I counted all the mails) and has also been kind enough to build a web page and on going blog for this diary. He will be getting a powerful book as his prize when next he steps in to Nigeria.

I would also like to give three more books out and other gifts but I had a challenge on deciding who to give them to. I have then decided to have a little competition in which everyone who can should please write an essay of not less than 3 paragraphs about a bully you have ever confronted and how it played out (It can be either fact or fiction). The articles will be judged on originality, clarity and simplicity.

First, second and third prizes are up for grabs and anyone who participates gets a prize. Last month I asked for mails from friends of friends but none came! I had a secret prize for anyone who would write but no one can claim it now. So please participate in this one, don’t let me hold my prizes! Entries close on the 5th of June and the next volume is coming in June. Have a great month ahead.